


Peg Your Way USA

by Holy_Leonards



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Anal Sex, Cheeseburger, Crack, Ejaculation, Legendary Handjobs, M/M, Noir Narrating, Peg Your Way USA, Pegging, Rusty Joints, Various Strap Ons, metal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-29 22:01:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7701334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holy_Leonards/pseuds/Holy_Leonards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I am relieved of my duties. Finally I can catch up on my Peg Your Way USA list. Maybe that Danse fella will help me this time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Peg Your Way USA

Nick sighs in relief, as Sanctuary comes into view. He's so, so close to being home, where he can hid away for a while. A place to rest his feet, and violently beat his meat.

Nate'd ditched Nick to travel with Hancock.

"Listen, Nick," he said, "You're missing a hand, and John's last name is literally hand cock. This man's arm gives legendary handjobs!"

Black eyes finally looked up. Jet in hand, Hancock never halted the handy motions. Nick wondered if it was actually a twitch the ghoul had. "Yep. I'm proud of it."  
  


Nick had entered VATS. Sure enough, it read: legendary handjober. Next to the name, a skull. "Wow!"

The synth watches his step as he crosses the bridge. He wishes the thing was within the settlements boundaries, so Nate could actually do something about it.  
  


To Nick's surprise, the only other person at the settlement is Danse.

 

"I am surprised."  
  


"What?"  
  


"Surprised. I'm really surprised. You're the only other person here."  
  


"Why does this surprise you?"  
  


"Listen, Holy_Leonards is just trying to get the plot moving."  
  


Danse's caterpillars knit together in confusion.  
  


"Don't knit together those caterpillars at me, fucker!" Nick kicks  Danse in the head. Ting! There's a metal clank.  
  


"Jesus!" Nick grabs his foot. "How did you not know you were a synth?"  
  


"You dented my skull."  
  


"Whatever."  
  


"It's annoying." The hairy, shockingly so, man rubs the area.  
  


"Annoying dent? Fix it!" Nick hands the other man a magnet. "I use it to get un-bent all the time!"  
  


Danse holds the magnet to the damage. Kaboom! And the dent is gone.  
  


"Anything interesting happen lately," Nick asked.  
  


"I'm the only one here. Remember?"  
  


"What about that guy?" Nick's robot arm creaks."As I pointed to the mysterious man, it began raining. Puddles form within minutes."  
  


Danse looks around. It's not raining, at all  
  


"I...? That's the Vault-Tec guy. He's trapped in a time loop. He just keeps telling us he feels great."  
  


"I toss my cigarette onto the wet asphalt."  
  


"Nick?" Danse stared intently at the ground. The ass-fault is dry as a boner. Dryer than Mama Murphy. The former-paladin doubts his own eyes. He checks the geiger counter. It wasn't clicking. No. No, it couldn't be raining.  
  


"Are you noir narrating again?"  
  


"Let me have my hobbies, Danse! I let you watch me masturbate without saying anything, don't I?"  
  


"I noticed Danse's legs went on for days-"  
  


"It's just my power armor."  
  


"That's when I got an idea... I asked Danse, 'Hey, have you heard of Peg Your Way USA?'"  
  


"Please, stop narrating. This is confusing to read," Danse grunts like the meathead he is. "And no, I don't know what pegging is."  
  


The synth's jaw drops open, creaking all the way down. It falls off, hitting the dry dust. Danse can see just how rusted out the robot is inside. Valentine quickly collects his mouth, clicking it back in place.  
  


Nick got out his little red book. In it, a list of names: Foghorn Legfellow, Nate, Old!Shaun, The entirety of Diamond City Security, the Narrator of Fight Club, Nixon, and Rod Serling.  
  


There were lots of names in there. Most male, some female, one French. Nick chuckled, and thought fondly back to Petites Bites. At the very end of the notebook, the bottom of the last page, was Danse's name. All names - save for Danse - are crossed out.  
  


"It's just, we've been traveling for a while now--"  
  


"We haven't been traveling together."

 

"--And I thought... I thought I had you pegged."

 

“Nope, not even once.”

 

“Well, well, step on up for the ride of a lifetime, bucko!”

 

Nick put on his lucky pair of Arthur Lee sunglasses and took Danse's hand.

 

“Uh, what if a raider attacks?”

 

“Don't worry about them, they all know I just got back from one of my tours. They know better than to mess with old Nicky V while still on a pegging high.”

 

They went into the nearest empty building and Nick dropped his backpack full of strapons. He opened the top and dumped them onto the floor like a toddler dumping out a toybox.

 

“So, we have choo choo train strap on, Nuka Cola strap on, dinosaur strap on, mini nuke strap on, cheeseburger strap on, wash cloth strap on, middle finger strap on, basketball strap on, tent pole strap on, ouiji board strap on, Barnabas Collins' cane strap on, Stalin's Fist strap on, fishbowl strap on, gun strap on, and vial of Agamemnon's semen strap on. Which would you like?”

 

Danse looked over the pile of totally normal sex toys in amazement.

 

“Where did you get all of these wonderful toys?”

 

“First of all, they're tools of the trade. Second, I travel a lot.”

 

“I'm craving that cheeseburger.”

 

“Good! That's a fun one.”

 

“Fun? Woah!”

 

Nick spun Danse around and turned the wheel on the back of the power armor. He pulled him out and then unzipped the Brotherhood jumpsuit. He peeled it off to reveal the succulent, nude body of the Danse man. All beefy and cakey. About to have another third pound of beef shoved up where the sun refuses to shine.

 

Nick strapped the cheeseburger on around his trench coat.

 

“Wait, aren't you gonna get nude?”

 

“Shhh! Nude is not part of my process or game programming.”

 

Nick came over and slapped Danse on the behind.

 

“Bend over for me, sweetie.”

 

“You got it.”

 

Danse got on all fours and Nick got on his rusty knees behind him. He was snapping, crackling and, popping the whole time. His left knee let go and he had to go in at an angle.

 

“You sure your body can handle this, Nick?”

 

“Sure I am! I've been doing this for centuries! Buckle up!”

 

Nick started rubbing Danse's asshole to get a good feel for it. Then, with cheeseburger in hand, he guided his strap on into the tight depths of Paladin Danse. The cheeseburger squished as it slid inside. A frothy mix of grease, lube, and fecal matter oozed out around the cheeseburger as Nick thrust ever so precisely. Even at the busted knee angle, he was giving it good.

 

Danse moaned and groaned as the slimy cheeseburger slid in and out, breaking up with each thrust. The moment of release was finally upon him after a good twenty minutes of cheeseburger attack. He aimed his ass upwards, let out a squeal, and let loose his load. Or should I say loads.

 

Out of the front was the expected, semen. The floor absolutely covered with the viscous fluid. Actually, Danse's was acid and it melted through the floor, leaving a burnt in memory of the event that had just occurred.

 

Out of the rear was a surprise. Chunks. Not feces, but cheeseburger. His ass contracted and sent cheeseburger chunks flying all over the room. Nick had to duck and cover

 

“Jesus, Danse, its coming out in pieces!”

 

Danse fired off all of his pieces and then was out like a baby.

 

Nick shook his head.

 

“Men, always falling asleep right afterward. Can they not be a cliché for once?”

 

Nick went to the next house over and crawled into one of the many empty beds. He was too tired to pick up his strap ons or to even take off the one he was wearing. It was reduced to just a harness anyways after what Danse did to it.

 

“What a tight ass. Maybe I won't cross him off my list just yet.”

 


End file.
